Sarah Palin To Abe Lincoln: “Happy birthday Mr. President…”

Abe Lincoln, I’m sorry, my man. The State of the Union is, to use the Scottish vernacular, shite.

The power-usurpers have thrust us into a series of self-serving, megalomaniacal and seemingly endless wars.

People in high places—mostly men—want to tell women what to with their bodies.

John Travolta.

People fear lesbians and gays again.

And Sarah fucking Palin won’t waft back to the worthless chunk of elk scat tundra she came from.

But it’s not Sarah Palin we should eviscerate with a steamroller and pave over with a square mile of asphalt on which to organize a ritualistic Chicken Soup For The Soul series book-burning pagan fuck-fest to “Sympathy For The Devil”— no, it’s her supporters. Looney Toon villain tattooed, gun rack mounting, hot dish serving, pseudo-religious, black man fearing bunch of backwards, backwoods buffoons.

These dumbfucks celebrate their myopic-mindedness like only a true Christian can. Having honed their arsenal of defenses against common sense in church—and in their racist, isolated, goat-fuck hamlets-of-nowhere—they’ve found in this maternal demagogue a political savior, someone to go to bat for their antediluvian ideas.

What began as a twisted, and auspicious, joke (McCain’s running mate) quickly became a twisted reality: Palin and her feverish throngs of homophobic simpletons had immobilized, and they were not going away. They were like full-size cardboard Wal-Mart displays of scowling hunters and sexy Eeyore pajama-clad housewives come to life: A Night At The Wal-Mart – only Palin’s right-wing, nearly unintelligible incantations supplied the magic.

These are a proud people. For generations, they’ve maintained a high level of anti-progressive thinking and old world values. For Palin, it was like discovering a population of pint-sized natives in an isolated sector of jungle where they consume the urine of jaguarundi because the “cat god” tells them to.  And Palin wore its pelt as a hat.

Palin’s supporters were laying dormant, just waiting for someone to appear who could justify their ignorance, bigotry, political disenchantment, and retarded sense of “American values.”

All the hardworking, honest Americans tripping over themselves to catch a glimpse of Palin’s nose-crinkling “straight talk,” need to remember this: Palin is a proven liar and an unabashed quitter, who, in her short but valueless term in office used her power to commit multitudinous fraud and theft. The difference between Palin and any other power-crazed politician on the rise is that Palin happens to be intellectually and ideologically stupid to the point that comparisons to precocious primates seem applicable. The woman is arrogantly dumb.

Much is made of Palin’s looks and whether this has influenced her popularity. Big fucking head scratcher!? If she looked like Barbara Walters no one would give a damn. Yet Palin has NEVER felt the need to address this issue or compensate by educating herself and developing an intellect. She has opted to play into the fantasy that maternal, no-nonsense folk wisdom is an ideology in itself. Maybe if she were running for PTA president.

The problems we face are complicated. How could these knobby-tired, semi-illiterates feel safe in the hands of a rhetoric-bumbling beauty queen?

On behalf of Mr. Lincoln (and myself) I am formally ordering that all racist, couch potato-ass, hypocritical, church-going fucking flag-waving dipshits get an education, talk to a black person, and read some real fucking books!

And peel the goddamn Stars and Stripes decals off your Buicks and other shitty American cars that don’t match up to the Japanese! You’re not American! America is a land of progress, bitches!!!

Zoop is out this bitch…

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~ by zoopandpoop on February 13, 2010.

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